Having recently decided to put my profile back up on RSVP (after several months off for good behaviour) I’ve been reminded of how "samey" most of the male profiles are.
No one ever expected to be online looking for love but here they are. Everyone has a great sense of humour, likes listening to live music, enjoys catching up with friends for a meal or a beer and tries to look after themselves by going to the gym/cycling/running, even though they’re not obsessive about it. Everyone loves the beach and enjoys watching a DVD while sharing a bottle of red wine on the sofa. Everyone’s movie of choice is Shawshank Redemption (I swear more people cite Shawshank Redemption as a favourite on RSVP than actually saw it at the cinema). Everyone’s too busy to read much these days but when they do get a chance Dan Brown, John Grisham and the weekend papers are on the reading list. To be fair, I’m sure that most of the female profiles are just as clichéd.
There are certain phrases and words that pop up again and again too: special someone, romance isn’t dead, Miss Right, chemistry, soul-mate and baggage all spring to mind. The one that absolutely sticks in my craw, and results in an immediate black mark against any man who uses it, is ladies (or worse, laydeez).
I struggle with the use of the word ladies, including as a euphemism for a women’s toilet, at the best of times. It may have started as an honorific for the British aristocracy but for me its connotations are far from grand. Ladies reeks of smug condescension and lip service to convention. On RSVP it is generally used as a way of giving a veneer of politeness to whatever sarcastic/aggressive/misogynistic assertion follows it.
Some random examples (including original spelling and grammar, something which deserves a whole other post of its own):
“ladies if you are still in love with an ex or having issues with an ex... pls dont waste my time or yours...”
“Can you please get some of the basics right, like your height, location and spelling? Fairly straight forward - you ladies expect the same of us. Oh, and one more thing: ladies refer to their dislike of 'game playing'. We have an equal dislike of the same thing, although you ladies tend justfiy it by calling it 'testing the water'.”
“Prefer action/comedy and movies with a great twist and yes ladies i will watch a girly movie.”
“Common ladies send me a kiss if you think we could generate sparks”
I’m assuming the last guy actually means “come on ladies” but the cynic in me wonders what a Freudian would make of his mistake!
A quick (and very unscientific) straw poll of my female friends suggests I’m not alone in disliking the word ladies. Other words that got that thumbs down included Madam (as in “Can I help you Madam?”), female (as a noun), panties (which also pops up occasionally on RSVP, believe it or not), moist, stiff, fecund, as well as a few others I’m not going to spell out here. Am I the only one that’s seeing a theme here? They’re all words that are used to categorise women or words that have been appropriated by men for a sleazy subtext.
My advice to all the guys out there? If you want to meet a smart, interesting, fun, attractive woman, lay off the ladies.
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Sounds like a pretty frightening scene actually! I must admit I use the word ladies on occasion, usually referring to the "ladies" in the CWA (country women's association) and I mean it in the best way - as a mark of respect. I have also heard some husbands use the acknowledgement "Ladies" while nodding their head in passing a group of us chattering away. Of course I live in the country so we're probably 50 odd years behind!
ReplyDeleteIf its any comfort my next door neighbour met her husband on line and they're incredibly happy and well matched. She became quite jaded at one point during the online dating scene, so stopped being nice and just totally rejected anyone who didn't meet her very strict criteria. It seemed to work! Good luck with it!!