My kind of diet

I received a piece of email spam this morning advising me that if I only eat "Negative Calorie Foods" I can "drop up to 14 POUNDS in only 7 DAYS" and that to find out more I need supply my credit card details "NOW".

This lovely piece of marketing (for want of a better word) reminded me of a "diet" which Sydney University student paper Honi Soit, rechristening itself Dolly Soit for the occasion, published way back when I was studying there.

Having finally found a diet I liked the sound of, I pinned it to the fridge for many years. I want to share it with you now for inspiration.

Rules for this diet

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soft drink while eating chocolate, the diet soft drink cancels out any calories in the chocolate.

3. When eating with someone else, your calories don't count if you eat less than they do.

4. Calories in food used for medicinla purpose NEVER count, eg. hot chocolate, brandy, cough lollies.

5. Movie related foods do not add calories because they are part of an entire entertainment package, eg. Jaffas, hot buttered popcorn, Minties.

6. Biscuit pieces contain no calories because the process of breakages causes leakage.

7. Things licked off spoons and knives have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something because calories only become part of the completed food, eg. icing off a knife, cake mixture of a beater.

8. Foods that are the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Note: since brown is a universal colour, chocolate may be substituted for any other food colour.

Happy dieting!